That last line. "It's just not that much fun having fun when you don't want to have fun." But what if you DO want to have fun. What if you made plans despite knowing you didn't want to go out, but you should give it a try.
You made plans because you know sitting home alone isn't good for you. You made plans because you know you need to get out of the house, despite this depressive episode.
You made plans, full well knowing it would be torture dragging yourself out of the house, because you knew it was what you needed to do.
Despite all that. Despite convincing yourself it was good to make plans, and actually making the plans. Despite knowing it would be really hard to get out of the house and follow through with said plans. You still made plans.
Maybe you put the hope on the shoulders of said plans that maybe this time, this time you'd have fun. And if you had fun, maybe it'd be the start of the climb out of this depression.
It's not that I don't want to have fun. I do. It's that right now, fun is being overshadowed by the uninvited depression that has once again claimed me.